Since the beginning of they year I really haven’t done much except for crying. There hasn’t been a day or night that I can recall that I haven’t had pain. I’ve gone to several doctors and they all have the same diagnosis, honestly I am starting to give up. My mouth is so soar, my throat hurts , my stomach ache and burns like fire, I’ve lost 20 pound and yet it’s something so simple as gastritis. Really I don’t believe a Mild gastritis would cause such an excruciating pain. My diet is so blend it consists of white rice and boiled chicken. Many suggest fruits and veggies and trust me when I say I’ve tried but it just irritates my stomach even more, I have tried Lactose milk but it just causes me sever heart burn. Over counter anti acids doesn’t work at all with me. My medication isn’t working I feel like I’m going crazy. I write today with pain in my stomach and with bitterness in my mouth begging and praying every night and day basically every second for all of it to stop. I’ve even consider traveling out of the country to find a different answer , an answer that would make sense to what is wrong with me , in fact you might think I’m crazy but I’ve even consider the possibility of witchcraft. I mean I do have some people who really hate me. I am not only losing my mind but I am losing everything. For starters I have lost my job, I’ve lost my smile I do not recall how to smile anymore, I am losing my family because I am so moody and always crying for the pain I’m in . In other words I am losing myself I honestly hope all this to stop, I pray for it to be a nightmare. But sadly it’s not this is my reality and It feels like I’m dying.
I always wondered how other people do it? How did my classmate knew what to do and how to do it? Four years has almost passed and I am still sitting at home with zero accomplishments. For one second I thought I had everything figured out.I literally had everything sketched out in a little aqua book I bought at Target the year I started my freshmen year in High school. It’s funny how all my hopes, faith and dream went down to the drainage in an instant. It scares me so damn much because I feel I am running out of time and not living a bit. Every day and every night I sit down, inhale and exhale and tear down of how I am so disappointed at myself. The job of my dream is no longer an option for me, the dream I once had is no longer a dream but a nightmare. I have lost myself and I can’t figure out which path to take anymore. Writing helps a bit I won’t lie, before I use to write and write and write with passion , with desire, with happiness between lines, with faith and hope and I knew someone would read and be happy with my stories , and my tales. But now writing hurts, because at the end of the day they are simply words and the worst part is that these words aren’t filled with dead hope/faith and lots off misery.:'(
It Breaks my heart to know that I am here in my room laying down in bed watching movie and simply enjoy life; while others in Africa or in wherever it might have hit are suffering from one of the most deadliest Virus in history. I won’t lie but I personally do get frighten or spooked out from what I’ve heard and seen in the Media. Ebola, if I am not mistaken and from what I have heard its a Virus that can be or is contracted by any body fluids from an infected person. I have also done some of my research with the sufficient free time I have had and I have read that symptoms start two days to three weeks after contracting the virus, with a fever, sore throat, headaches and muscle pain. And that after a while it’s typical for an infected person to start with, vomiting, diarrhea, and rash along with liver and kidney failing and that is when a person who has been infected begins to bleed both within the body and externally. It has to be an excruciating pain for someone undergoing through all that. In one hand I feel for those people who are suffering, but at the same time I do get angry. I heard that there was a time when they were warning people not to eat bush meat because it was one of the primary suspects for the cause of the Ebola. Many ignored the warning and kept on eating bush meat. There’s where my anger hit, why on earth would they keep on eating something that might trigger them to contracted the virus, but then I realized that in Africa there is a lot of poverty and food is really scarce that hunting for food is the only thing that kept their tummies satisfied. But still some are infected with the virus and they are traveling and getting others infected. This just makes me quite scared because recently here in America we had a recent case of a man that had traveled from Liberia to Texas and was infected with the virus unfortunately he recently died. These things make me think that people don’t care for others. I am an International Student I come from a 3rd world country called Belize I recalled living back home I never had to worry about any such things like this. Life out there is really calm and peaceful. I’ve said to myself if it comes to the part that I contracted the virus I won’t move from this country, I will seek for help of course , but me travelling back to my home country and getting them infected is not on my list. I rather die here and prevent others from getting ill than to move to a place that a virus like this could simply be destructive. I understand that Africans are scared because they are living in the center of the chaos, but seriously I have seen that communication has been terrible with one another. People are scared yes I completely and truly understand it normal because they are plenty of dead corpses all around the place, but if you sit down and think for a minute and realize that if everyone helped out this wouldn’t have been an outbreak. And again who am I to judge? You are right I am no one, just a simple ignorant student who is trying to survive in this world like anybody else. I do sincerely and deeply feel for those who are suffering, for those who had lost family members. And for those who are undergoing with the virus at this precise moment. I do apologize to anyone if this message was a little too harsh.
Like Jet Li once said “ I believe the WORLD is one big family and we need to help each other.” I totally agree with his brave words, But the question of the day is how many have actually tried helping ? We can all say “I’ve tried!” but think about it ,take a second to think about it and ask yourself, “how has trying helped?” Anyways my point is that wanting to help is not helping, we should help instead of just wanting. Do you get my point? Yesterday on my way home from work I saw a man who for sure needed some help. Instead of me stopping and give him a hand I just sat there in the car staring at him just wanting to help but I didn’t .That man didn’t looked like a drunk, but what those that have to do with the fact that I didn’t do anything to help. What if he is a decent man that was walking home and got robbed and beaten up? The only one thing I did was nothing. No one around him helped him up, no one. What if that was one of my family member or me? What if that was you? I ask my self what has the world become to? No one helps, but everybody tries to. And most people will say at least you wanted to try , but that no excuse for not giving a hand when you can. It doesn’t matter if he was drunk, helping doesn’t come with a specific tag who you should help. Help every single soul you can, and every time you can Just HELP.
Did you know I actually lived in PARADISE for seventeen
(17) years of my life? Well I did; I never really thought of it that way, until moving away from HOME and starting a new life in a new strange world. It’s funny how living in a big city with bigger dream and bigger space (huge country) is just not good enough for some. Lets just say that it would be nice to have both big city and my PARADISE all in one. Anyways back to what I call my Paradise, my PARADISE is a small country located below Mexico and above Guatemala; in other words its in-between those two countries. When I typically describe my country most human being have zero (0) clue of what I am saying. I have to go into phone (luckily I have smart phone) click on the web logo, then I Google a world map (if you don’t know it Google it). As soon as I show them where my Paradise is located some say “oh isn’t that part of Guatemala?” others simply say “wow I never knew that place existed”. Exactly, not so many people get the chance to know about that one small amazing place_for a reason; I am just kidding. That paradise is a small country with a minimum population of 300,000 human beings. The most amazing part is that its the only country in the Caribbean that speaks both Spanish and English (due to the fact that England is our mother country and we are in between both mexico and Guatemala boarder) and also it’s a melting pot of different ethnicity; such as Mestizo, Kriol, Mayan ,Multiethnic, Garinagu, German (Mennonite), East Indian, and others. Belize is one of kind, its a third world country but who really cares? It is so beautiful and peaceful, it has amazing places to visit such as Mayan ruin, the Great blue whole, The barrier reef (the second longest barrier reef), and lots of lots of Jungle. Belize is divided into 6 districts COROZAL( that’s where I’m from), ORANGE WALK, BELIZE CITY, CAYO, STANN CREEK and TOLEDO. All that beauty and I am still living away from home. I am blessed to be part of that PARADISE . I recommend to all those out there who want tranquility and beauty to visit Belize.
“No one is going to hand me success. I must go out & get it myself. That’s why I’m here. To dominate. To conquer. Both the world, and myself.”
For some, LIFE may come easy; for other, they have to work really hard to strive to there goal. My life may seem a little bit
boring and simply when It comes to my studies, but really for me that is , My Dream, My Passion and My Life. At this point in my life I really just want to focus in actually doing what’s best for me. I’m not saying that apart from school I have no life. I am just saying that everything has its moment. And if I’m blessed with the chance I’m given in literally doing something that will help me out in the future; well why not take full advantage of it. Some wished they had the opportunities that others can have but won’t take.